Letting go of old stories through EMDR and expressive therapies
Our understanding of who we are and the experiences we have been through is defined by the stories we tell. Not just the stories we say out loud–like the time we were embarrassed at a school assembly, or how we got our first job or met a romantic partner–but the ones we may not even know we have internalized. You might have grown up with the story “family should be loyal to one another” or “family will let you down”. You might have learned “my health is in my control” or “not being productive is lazy and shameful”. It could be a general sense of “I have to prove my worth”, or a specific belief, “the shape of my body is flawed”.
These stories belong in the past, with the memories they came from. Instead, we carry them with us like a backpack full of heavy weights.
In therapy, you have the chance to pause, examine what you have been dragging around, and consider which stories are worth hanging on to and which are worth setting down. At first, letting go of these old stories feels impossible, ridiculous. You experience these beliefs as objective truths because you have lived them. You have never known another way. Your psyche holds on to them because they are how you make sense of the world.
But there are ways to give yourself enough distance to see these beliefs for the old stories they are and to move toward letting them go. Talk therapy techniques, like narrative therapy, can help you name your stories and where they came from, and re-author the way you look at who you are and the life you want to live. Expressive therapies invite you to use drawing, movement, music, and writing to express how you see yourself and to create new images and possibilities for yourself. And EMDR lets your memories connect and process in new ways so that these internalized beliefs move from the emotional center of the brain to the memory center, literally becoming old news.
These stories have brought you to where you are today, sometimes serving very essential roles in your safety, your stability, and your belonging. The bad news is that today, they have become too heavy, and are getting in the way of the you you want to be. The good news is: if you choose to, you get to set them down and walk toward a lighter future.
